Wednesday, December 22, 2004
about a mom...
i feel dat my mom's different from other moms.. when other moms are soo excited for their 26 yr old son to introduce their girlfriends to them, my mom wishes i wont get attached as long as i dont have money for marriage. she always says she'll oso "ada saham" if she lets me date girls out, u know, she assumes i'll do the things normal couple do. ya i do admit it has become part of relationships, things like holding hands have become the norm. but its sooo very impossible to think dat i'll look for one when i have the money. i mean money will never be enuff. n i dont believe in pushing fate away, kalau dah jodoh takkan nak tolak kan? i'd sound very desperate to be trying to find someone only when i have the money, then the whole courtship process wont be natural. imagine, i have money by end 2006, i'll be 28 yrs old, n i'll start looking for my potential partner. n becoz of age catching up, i'd tend to rush into knowing my potential, n dangerously rushing into marriage without knowing my future partner well... I DONT WANT DAT!!
moreover, i believe Allah has laid for me the right path i should follow. n afterall i dont want to repeat the mistakes ppl do, like i did wif my ex. i mean, i realised a relationship shouldnt be left continuing for soo long without any form of commitment, like engagement, n ultimately marriage. i know how it feels after being in a 5 yr old relationship n not getting anywhere. its soo frustrating for both sides. eventually i called the shots n split up due to circumstances.
n there's my sister's factor. my sis left the house in 1995 when she was 22 yrs old. she decided to leave after soo much arguments n misunderstandings wif my mom. n she really defied all logics of a muslim.. she opted for a civil marriage to a US navy officer, n started a family of her own. there was a brief contact between her and my family. n at dat time, she oredi had 2 young sweet daughters. I'm an UNCLE! hehehe but things turned sour when i told her to consult my mom first before deciding to try for a third child. since then she never reestablished contact. now i didnt know where she is. the last known location was at Hawaii.
i think, my mom felt she's lost a daughter. n i believe she doesnt want to lose another child. she has always said i'm her only hope. but i think if she were to carry on wif her ideologies, then im afraid she'll lose her son one way or another.
but dont worry, i wont leave her like my sister did.. i'll do it the marriage way *wink*
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